intangibles

2009-06-22T23:57:00.003+08:00

The selfish world-

When they are unloved, you love them.

When they receive enough love, they forget to love you back.

When they are lonely, you try to give them company.

When they found their company, they leave you lonely.

When they are down, you try to go down to their level.

When they know how to fly high, they leave you downstairs.

The best chinese chen2 yu3 to describe those people: Wang4 en1 fu4 yi4...

Dreaming with a broken heart

2009-05-02T16:03:00.003+08:00

Dreaming with a broken heart-

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my , roses in my hands?

Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

"And... We're not meeting this week, next week or e week after next. We dont have to anymore..."

Happy=D

2009-03-05T00:12:00.002+08:00

Happy=D=D=D

Yesterday was a happy day because I finally managed to take 15min to just briefly see the students at NCHS. Miss them really. Just dropped by cause I heard the sec2s were having history test so went to give them some support. But too bad I got to rush for work=(. The cab fare was *ouch* for a mere short visit to the school!

Today is an EXTREMELY happy happy day cause I went out with a bunch of cute and adorable ppl to watch movie. =D Infact, I watched 2 great movies at one go! hehe.

Tomorrow will be a great day too cause I'll be gone early morning. I'm heading to Jakata. My boss said that a Limo is gonna come pick us up and we're gonna head to the most expensive hotel in Jakata. Hmm...wonder where I'll be going and what I'm gonna do there?

ANS: http://www.javajazzfestival.com/2009/

I think I'm seriously gonna die of goodness overdose and suffer from partial deaf=D

2009-02-26T22:11:00.003+08:00

What If Bus Rides Were Free???-

There was a special crazy perk today! On my way home, I realised that the bus trip today to my home was free! One day special! So, how long do you think the que will be...if singaporeans could take a day of bus for free?? Look at the que!

Well...After 30seconds:

After another 30 seconds, the que grew again!

Can't even see where the que ends anymore!...Just incase you are not familar with Toa Payoh interchange, and wanna know how long the que really is...the que stretches from the above pic, to here:

Then to here:

And here:

And here:

And finally ends here!

The que was so freakin' long it took 2 fully packed buses to ferry away the ppl infront of me and I actually only got on the 3rd bus.

OK, HERE'S THE TRUTH:

There was no free bus day. This is just a typical day of how long the que is for me to take bus home. I find it pretty amazing and unbelievable! It just looks almost like the bus was free WAHAHA=p

Gibson les paul

2009-02-15T22:53:00.006+08:00

Gibson Les Paul-

Ever wondered what's a Gibson Les Paul?? That's one of my favourite item of all time. Been in love with it the 1st time I ever saw it when I was in sec3. I still remember I saved like crazy just to buy my very very very 1st one, which was not the original Gibson brand, but made by epiphone. I have since own afew different variations of it. And recently I finally got the real original Gibson brand for the 1st time in my life.

So..."What's a Gibson Les Paul??!?"

This is a Gibson Les Paul:

Slash from the old guns & roses...He does have one hell of a ton of les pauls...check this out...

Ace from the band Kiss playing his les paul (an extremely ugly band with good music)

ZZ Top with their les paul. (I think all the les paul players are hairy shit for some reason)

Eric Clapton in his younger days with a les paul!

That's Jimmy Page from Led zappelin with his les paul (Most silly ppl know them as the "stairway to heaven band")

And the man who created the les pauls, one of the 1st electric guitars in the world, is the man whom I respect alot. Mr Les Paul himself=D

So..where's the picture of my les paul? heh dun feel like showing today. But I have an old 1980s les paul which I already sadly sold. It's my favourite and the best electric guitar I've ever owned.

This is a vintage made in japan version of a Gibson les paul, but they are MUCH BETTER! This guitar has a name. She's called black beauty..Hmm...I really miss her. Wonder if the new owner got take good care of it...=(

Haha shall blog about my other old lovers (guitars) next time...

2009-01-30T13:56:00.002+08:00

meant to be broken-

People always tell me, good things don't last forever.

I know, I never expected anything on this earth to last forever.

But, I just hope it'll last during my lifetime.

Looks like it might not even make it there anymore.

I'm crushed.

Read this off someone's blog, it was an unexpected comfort for me,

Thanks.

"Parting your soup is not a miracle Bruce, it's a magic trick. A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that's a miracle. A teenager who says "no" to drugs and "yes" to an education, that's a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is they have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle."
-- God, Bruce Almighty.

Malaysian new year

2009-01-29T16:21:00.018+08:00

Malaysian New Year-

I've finally decided to blog again...so tired n lazy these days...Not much nice photos too cause I really wasn't in the mood to shoot them in Malaysia, just too tired.

For those who don't know, I have half of my extended family and relatives in Malaysia. This year I've decided to visit my hometown in Malaysia.

"How did I get to malaysia?"

It's exciting cause I went with my singaporean cousins, and none of us knew nuts about the malaysia roads or even get to my kampung hometown. So we just WHACK only. We travelled there using a super small 1L car. It's the mickey mouse car!

Such a tiny car, but we were travelling at like 140-160km/h! (singapore speed limit is only like 90km/h?!?!) At some point it felt like we were flying off the road. It's crazy. It's about 8 hours drive to my hometown.

And some may ask:

"What's the difference between a Singapore and Malaysia CNY?"

Difference no.1: There's a whole lot more eating.

There isn't much new year goodies like Singapore. Just tons of home cooked dishes. Fish soup beehoon with wine, curry chicken, homemade cookies, chicken rice, timsum, braised ducks, fried noodles, pratas. It's just the usual dishes, but trust me, the malaysian version taste way better. It's also partly due to the ingredients that the kampungs have, it so much fresher and without all that chemicals n crap.

No nice pics to show, but here's afew:

Went to my fav timsum place. It's better den any singaporean one.

Salted egg flavoured fried chicken, it tasted awesome. (Sorry this is a damn ugly picture!)

The flies will usually come and disturb you during your meals. That's the amount of flies you can harvest in like an hour.

Difference no.2: The activities are happening!

One of my relatives had a cny gathering at his warehouse for his workers and we were invited. The freeflow of food was great! But the unlimited supply of satay won our hearts...

The satay really tasted awesome!

My cousin from singapore trying to make his trip worthwhile! Think he might have had like 30sticks of satay!

The no.1 favourite of malaysian kampung celebrations is to have their own portable K-Box!

My parents singing. My dad's a great singer. I probably got most of my wadever music genes from him.

The man in green is my brother. He's damn tall..=(

Difference no.3: It is alot more EXPLOSIVE den singapore's CNY!

These are the usual sparkles that our poor little singapore kids get to play during new year. (This boy gets my vote for being my cutest nephew)

This one is probably banned in our homeland. It's a stick that shoots fireball explosives into the air!

This is another kind that launches from the ground! I love the way it explodes!

Looks like a stary night in the outter space:

This is getting more exciting! 1x super duper long firecrackers! My relatives said that this firecracker is so super duper long, it'll make the whole kampung blur when we fire it! Insane

Too bad I dun have a video of that. And just when you think that's about all my hometown has got...there's still more....Check this out:

It's freakin hard to take fireworks. I realised that through this trip.

Some other random pics from the trip:

Went to some jetty...

The super old school electrical switches that u seldom see in singapore nowadays

Retro motor bike! Wonder if it's even reliable..

I think this lorry was already there since when I was young. That super dusty car is a MERC!

Climb to the roof top of my house and took a shot.

Emo shot!

Hehe I like my fat cousins, they're cute and they eat all the time haha!

My fav handsome nephew!

My act cool cousin

The trip back was disgusting. 2hour jam at the causeway! Just look at the trail of cars. Ppl could actually get off their cars for a walk.

busy

2009-01-19T13:34:00.002+08:00

2009...'_' -

Before I knew it, it's already 2009. Soon it'll be 2010...bleahz... Alot of ppl are wondering why I dun undate my blog much lately.

Ans: Life's been busy, routine n boring for me these days. It's just endless cycles of working and sleeping.

No time to play much music, snap pictures, or anything...

Someone also told me that alot of nan chiau students visit this blog and added me to their links. So, who are you!! Leave me a tag so I can know you/link you

Maybe we can have a poll since there's so much I wanna blog about but no time. Vote for what you want me to blog about?

Here are 4 topics, vote for your fav one on my tag board:
2008 Korea Trip
2008 Kampong Trip to my own hometown (mission trip)
More nan chiau photos
The special things that you can find in my room

2008-12-29T18:16:00.011+08:00

End of 2008-

When I was in the army, 2008 is a dream cause it'll be the year I leave the army. Back then it was so far away. But now it's already becoming history.

Hmm so what shall I blog about the end of 2008? I'll probably just blog about my most meaningful memories in 2008, my short stay in NCHS

It was madness busy, crazy, funny, but fulfilling.

So I shall start on some pics that I took during national day. Totally unedited (too lazy)

If anyone of you nanchiau-rians wants any of these photos, or the other photos that I never put up, can just contact me on msn at jacoblau2610@gmail.com.

If you wish for me to edit the picture nicely for you, do let me know too i can do that...so example of an unedited:

Edited version:

Here goes, some of the other photos:

NCHS Choir

2008-12-18T13:52:00.005+08:00

Nchs Choir-

When I was a secondary student, I hated to attend school stuff. Especially those lame and expensive lousy production dramas.

Now that I'm not a student anymore, I've kinda found the joy of going to such concerts to see my students. Though my presence was not as celebrated as some particular person (*ahem* mr lin*) I still enjoyed the concert=D

Managed to take videos and afew lousy shots with my cheapo fuji camera from my seat. Hopefully these don't "malu" the choir girls!=p enjoy!

Wahaha! I've already choosen the best pic but it's still quite funny when I look at it!

This little children choir from some "i-dun-know-what" primary school is so cute!

That's Jolene's "pretty" friend! I didn't know she's like the ex choir president of nchs.

Haha that's the conductor, she a very charismatic person when up on stage.

Really want to post some videos. But way too big in file size youtube dun like me. Lucky I lazy, if not alot of ppl will be malu! Especially those at 1st row wahaha

2008-12-03T20:06:00.001+08:00

Malaysia-

I'll be away from now till 9th...cya guys soon!

Taylor post

2008-12-01T14:00:00.006+08:00

Guitars-

I may not be a great player of it, but I'm definitely a super huge fan of it. I've own and sold so many (countless) guitars in my life, and they have taught me many lessons in life. There are some guitars that are so pretty while some r just plain. But each has its beauty.

Let me show you one of my guitars:

Doesn't take a musician to know that it's pretty and expensive isn't it. This is a 1996 Taylor 912 Cindy that's super rare and expensive these days.

This guitar sound so awesome and sweet, so easy to play, so beautiful. Reminds me about some of the people that I've met in my life, they're just way pretty and cool on the outside, smart and talented too. I admit I am easily attracted to them. Just like the Taylor Cindy.

But that is not the guitar that's dearest to me. Such beautiful guitars requires alot of maintanance and also the status to play them. I feel pressured to play that pretty guitar because it feels like I have to always play something worthy of the guitar. Just like those near perfect and well polished people around my life. I'm not really myself when I'm with them.

Now let me show you another guitar:

Haha do you feel it's worlds apart from that guitar? This is a Taylor 410. It's understated and there's nuttin fancy about it. But it sounds and plays great too.

Although this is not the most expensive guitar I own, It's a guitar that I always bring around with me be it to worship e Lord in church, to chalets, to a friend's house. I like the fact that this guitar can take the harsh roads and bumps because I won't have to worry about maintaining it's aesthetic looks and stuff. I feel no pressure or stress when I play this guitar.

This guitar reminds me of old and reliable friends, or those who whom r dearest to me. Because they will always be able and willing to travel the harsh road of life with me. I also can just let my hair down and be myself before them

I've had many fancy, pretty, smart and popular friends in my life, but I find that the down to earth, simple and plain friends r truely the ones I can trust in times of need and are the only ones who would be willing to journey with me the ups and downs of life.

So, can you guess which is my favourite guitar?

2008-12-01T00:21:00.002+08:00

Just one of those days-

Sometimes I really wish I could turn back time and become a small and cute little kid. Maybe then she'll treat me better and be more responsive and excited about me. I feel so stupid.

1D Chalet

2008-11-29T17:26:00.008+08:00

1D Chalet-

It's about time I post on this! So sorry 1D I'm just so busy with my new work and alot of other things that I'm doing currently.

5 reasons why the 1D chalet was unforgettable:

1. Some sweet swines from 1D actually bought me a birthday cake

2. The sky that evening was beautiful

3. That card that 1D made for the teachers is just absolutely nice

4. We managed to "Tao Pok" Liang Zhou big time

5. It's a class like no other (in good and bad ways=p)

So....some picture of the beautiful sky that I took with my lousy DSLR and non professional skills:

heh I also took some emo afrah shot...

Haha and later on went the chalet, and then came my birthday cake. I seriously was prepared to be flooded with water bomb or have the cake waste on my face. But 1D was kind enough to just paint my face with some cream.

Here goes, the birthday cake:

And of cuz, 1D really love to take photos of themselves, so quite alot of crazy pics, I didn't really take any pics with my camera, so here's some of the pics from Mr Wang's Cam:

I really dunno why I want to shame myself and post this super gay pic...

One of the best thing that happened during the chalet: we taopok liangzhou.

His baby fats are so cute lol. Oh and we were all so carried away till we forgot there was an eaten chicken wing (left the bone only) on the bed lol! You can see it in the pic below

Haha before we left, the relief teachers took a pic...hmm nice pic, Miss Tan looks totally cool. I believe many will download this pic off my blog because Mr Lin is inside lol...

Alright that's all folks, haha still got 1E and 1C chalet to blog about...stay tuned=D

New blogskin

2008-11-21T23:59:00.003+08:00

New Blogskin-

Tada! I'm so so so damn sick of my old problematic blog skin! Finally something new!

The worse part was not to make the skin or anything, was actually reading 73 blogs in one day!! And linking up as many ppl as I could in a day!

So please TAG me your LINK if I have yet to link you!

1D your post coming soon, I don't anyhow post my stuff so good things need to wait...hehe=D

1D

2008-11-14T18:43:00.003+08:00

I know 1D's gonna make alot of noise about my latest post...so before my ears get hurt, I just wanna say:

Next post, Chalet with 1D =)

Anyway that cake I was mentioning in my earlier post wasn't from 1D, it was from 2 or 3 church friends. That post was just talking about 26oct itself. But THANKS FOR THE CAKE 1D!~

Halloween!!

2008-11-14T00:01:00.011+08:00

Halloween@Night Safari!!-

Been wanting to go night safari for a very very long time. Still remember the last time I went with some poly friends...Awesome experience...(Kai Qi and Perryn where have you all gone to?)

Who would have known I would meet 2 crazy little things (my beloved NCHS students) that also wanted to go! And yeah, another awesome experience!

It was really cool, all the ghosts and disturbing stuff paired up with touring of the creatures that live in the dark! Awesome! Let the pics do the talking:

The little pumpkin heads are so cute haha!

I seriously can't believe that ruiqi is scared of like EVERYTHING! Including taking pictures with mr vampire.

And notice that Wanyee have to stand near to the witch cause Ruiqi scared of her!

Haha! This ghost was kinda pissed with me cause I called her miss ghost lol

We were like targets for the ghosts because all of them knew the 2 girls beside me were scared of em! The clown monster guy tried to touch them! End up he could not resist posing for a nice shot hehe..

Here comes the butcher! He loves Ruiqi alot and Ruiqi loves him too! =D

We chanced upon an empire and we wanted to take a pic with him, he's so cool wahaha! Someone amongst us (not wanyee or me) actually told him something silly: "Hey vampire, I'm scared of you! So don't scare me ok!!" HAHA that's the funniest thing I heard that night, The vampire was probably trying to hold his laughter very very very hard!

And yea for those of you who still didn't guess it, the vampire did scare that "person" after taking pictures with us! (that person is not wanyee or myself=p)

There were also mummies and tree monsters and all sorts of funny crap walking around (the female ones are really scary) But it wasn't easy to take shots in a totally dark environment and I was not allowed to use flash.

Some of the other random stuff you'll see hanging around night safari that night!

There was seriously no way I could take good pictures of those animals in their dark habitat without using flash. So I didn't really take much animal pics. Some random shot of some special owl like animal (can't remember those technical names)

And of course what's a safari without some animal performances! But didn't have much mood to take pics too it's so dark and animals moving so fast.

That was some really large snake that they have with them!

Yeah and of cuz me being myself, I convinced the 2 little crazy things to buy some Ben & Jerry's ice cream! Yummy=D

The whole trip was such a joy=D so much laughter as well, especially when I see the way Ruiqi and Wanyee reacted to those monsters haha!

The ride home was totally nostalgic...sitting at the back of Wanyee's lorry makes me feel at home when I'm in my dad's lorry. The lorry travelled past mandai area...reminding me of all the shitty and tough times I had in OCS. It also brough my mind back to a forgotten past, a time when I though I've found the most important thing, but it was all just an illusion. The lorry also went near that house that I would never forget. To make things more drama, I actually told the girls that secret story too. Haha oh well...no point thinking about it anymore, I've already moved on. Not necessary better than before, but atleast I've moved on. I just do not wish for history to repeat itself and torture me anymore.

When I looked back at everything, I could still somehow smile to myself. It was a sad and short but sweet past, and I'm still able to enjoy such a wonderful night with my students=D A very special 31st OCT indeed=D

Birthday

2008-11-04T12:35:00.005+08:00

what's my age again?-

When I bought my 1st ever discman at the age of 15...It was like the "Ipod" of my era. The coolest thing ever. Spend 60bucks on a pair of sony street style headphones and you'll be even cooler!

Having the coolest music player and headphones, all I need to get is the coolest albumb at that time. It was one of the older (and probably the best) blink 182 albumb.

There was a song "what's my age again". Talks about how you're not really cool and how you'll kinda get lost touch with the trend and things once you're 23.

So for the past 8 years, I always wondered how my own 23rd birthday would be like. Well, nothing much to blog about, it was just another day. The last time I had my birthday on a sat or sun I'll always be so excited. Cause I'll get to celebrate it and have happening things going on. But not the case for this year. Broke the record of receiving 0 presents on my birthday itself. Haha not quite used to it but I guess I'll need getting used to from now on. I did receive a cake and a slip of paper thou.

Well they always said presents are not important, it's the heart and thought that counts. Haha, I thought to myself if heart and thought without any actions really works, I won't buy a ring for my wedding already. lol anyway, here's a song I was talking about: What's my age again -Blink 182

updates

2008-10-31T15:53:00.001+08:00

OK, I promise I'm gonna update my blog real soon. and fix the skin, link up the ppl and all.

Been either busy or moodless to blog lately=/

NCHS

2008-10-22T00:56:00.004+08:00

A Twist of Events-

I still remember my 1st week teaching in NCHS. THURSDAY. That was a really bad day. And I was about to meet a class that I have not ever met for the 1st time. 1C.

"it's a graveyard"...."that class is so cold"...."It's hard to teach that class"...."you won't be able to connect with them"...

So many people have already told me about that class. Sounds bad. I better be on my guard.

True enough, I had my 1st lesson in 1C and I thought it was totally terrible. "ARGH I hate 1C"

I went to my computer harddrive, and opened the national day folder. To my horror, the 1st picture I saw was this:

"ARGH! I hate 1C!" that's what I told myself at that time.

So 3months has passed since. It's funny how things can change in this short period. From my most hated, to one of my fav class. I totally forgot why I hated the class! But I still can't say that 1C is the best, (if not later other class will just kill me) LOL.

Makes me wonder what a strange world we live in. The things that we pin our hopes on often disappoints, but the surprise often comes from the unexpected.

Anyways...3cheers for 1C!

4

2008-10-15T22:28:00.002+08:00

4-

Hello! Before I begin, some tag replies:

Clarine - haha I still think 1D's nuts

Afrah - Yes! you're getting your papers on 161008! by the time you see this msg you'll either be smiling or crying over yr results already

Denise(1E) - Haha you sure anot! saying that sort of thing. But of cuz history rocks=D

Nanchiau-rian - hey did you like your gift? what's your blog link?? heard you go post my pics on your blog! got some evil kids go edit them leh!

(: - you are???

Rubecca - You're nuts too man! haha dun send me those mp3s ever

Jasalicious - Who're you!

Nicoleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - Hey ya la i miss talking to you all leh ah lian! too bad maybe tml is the last time you all see me liao

Jade - Hey! Feels like I very long nv get bothered by 1E le haha

Gina - wad's with the dun talk shit understand??!!

Saggie - HAHA I know you heard from WHO lor...aiyo you...still say he not important HOHO

Alrights done with all the replies (this tag thing is so tiring)

Hmm from yesterday to today, minimal sleep...marking all those terrible answers from the exam scripts...havn't felt so shag/miserable for a long time since army!

Wxactly 4 more working days...Won't get to step into NCHS as a teacher anymore...suddenly feel so emo about it haha! Wished I could stay just alil bit longer...

2008-10-09T10:38:00.002+08:00

That IDIOT hacker...anyway I've decided:

NO MORE HOTMAIL!

Please contact me or add me on msn at jacoblau2610@gmail.com from now on.

=D=D=D

2008-10-09T01:41:00.003+08:00

My GOSH! My MSN got hacked into by some unknown idiot. I can't even go on MSN now.

Dear friends from acs, tpym, temasek poly, army, nchs, or just anyone who knows me:

If you ever receive weird messages from some idiot who's using my account, please ignore him! He'll probably send you porn links or say some silly things. TELL HIM TO GIVE ME BACK MY ACCOUNT!

ARGH HATE HIM!! IT'S FREAKIN 2AM IN THE MORNING AND THAT IDIOT MADE ME WAKE UP TO CHANGE ALL MY PASSWORDS FOR ALL MY FORUMS AND ACCOUNTS....

history exam

2008-10-08T20:05:00.005+08:00

To all the peeps out there from NCHS who thought the paper was difficult:

1. Hey! I also didn't wanna set it so hard ok. I have no choice. I work for someone else too you know! SO I DON'T DECIDE THE EXAM STANDARD.

2. Don't worry for those who think you will fail, cause you might just not. And don't ask me for the results cause humanities cannot mark so fast one (it's harder to mark the paper den to do it ok!)

3. Don't give up on history. As someone who has gotten F9 for sec1 history and still manage to get As in the end for uppersec, HISTORY IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT. Just gotta get used to it. You all are still new to the subject that's all. =D

jaded

2008-10-05T23:15:00.003+08:00

I'm jaded. It's ok. If everything is always meant to be broken, You can just take my life away.

happy day

2008-10-04T00:15:00.003+08:00

Reminded-

Today was unexpectedly peaceful and slack for e 1st time in school. Think I've been over working. Rest is good.

The most unexpected thing that happened was that I actually got to play captains ball with some of my students.

Somehow...Ever since I entered the army, been losing sight of my dream day by day. Been jaded month by month. I'm so tired and worn out, I lose some of the aspirations and expectations that I hold. Slowly, I forgot why I 1st serve in church. I also forgot why I wanted to be a sunday school teacher, why I wanted to be an officer in the army, and why I wanted to be a teacher in secondary school.

Today, I suddenly remembered it all. Nothing really beats the joy of seeing my students happy. Each of them have so much potential in them, and so much hopes and dreams.

Somehow when I played with my students today, it's was the exact same feeling I got when I 1st taught sunday school to the sec1s. It's hard to describe. But it's an honourable responsibility.

Too bad my time in nan chiau is almost up. I guess it's about time I do the other things that I have to do 1st...

SAINT

2008-10-01T23:28:00.009+08:00

Once a Saint, Always a Saint-

This is a story of a girl, whom I got to know when I was a fat and round sec3 boy. We have had great friendship and great times. One day, just like the scene in the movies, she told me she's leaving for Aus to study for awhile.

That was real sad. I calculated, and figured out that she'll probably be back when I go NS.

Years later...I went to serve my NS. She still didn't come back. (too bad she will never get to see my botak hair cut.)

Another year later...I became an officer. She still didn't come back (only shared my joy with me from miles away)

Another year later...I left the army. Now where the hell is she...

After a long wait she's finally back!=D

The 3weeks that she was back passed like the wind. Not enuff time to bring her to eat and walk the whole singapore. But we have had fun=D Some pics to remember all the catching up during the 3 weeks of her stay!

Saint, you'll probably find these pics familar haha!

Introducing the 80s babies! Retro Retro time!

Time flies. You're already back saint! Take care of yourself ok! DUN EMO EMO IN AUSSIE ARH!!

2008-09-14T17:37:00.004+08:00

Ahahaha! My fav new pic! Took it with self timer at my favourite sky garden! This one is for you Choon! Cheers for the friendship! =D

2008-09-14T17:14:00.003+08:00

There are many beautiful bubbles in life. But the moment you try to touch them, or if they knock unto something, they'll vanish.

I came to earth with empty hands. I will also leave the earth with empty hands. But thank you for everything. You've done alot, I dare not expect more.

"In this this world of overrated pleasures...and underrated treasures...I'm glad there is you..."

misery

2008-09-06T20:16:00.002+08:00

why is it so miserable. why is it so hard to bear. why is it that i can't have @&!$&@!&(@!( like the rest. do whatever You wish. if You want You can take my life away too. but if it's not my time yet, would You please tell me why?

2008-09-01T19:26:00.004+08:00

Cloosseerr....Cloosseerr....-

Lean on me now, lean on me now!

The limited edition and long awaited debut by Lawbird is here! Travis feat Lawbird! Enjoy!

2008-09-01T15:02:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's my expectations...but i'm always taught to be myself...i guess my time's really over...i just really hope the last spark will turn into a flame and light up the dark...but maybe again it's just my expectations...

tried my best

2008-08-29T11:36:00.001+08:00

Atleast I've tried my best...I now have no regrets...

Absolute bangkok part 2

2008-08-10T21:13:00.000+08:00

Absolute Bangkok (Part 2) -

I like to save the best for the last! I think the best pictures are all here!=D If you havn't read part 1...den you should start there 1st. (It's just the post below this one.)

Anyway continue from where we last stopped....

Day 3-

It's the start of another brand new day in Bangkok, on our way to the heart of Bangkok which is the MBK and Siam area, I bought some really high lookin drink!

It's some blended veg kinda drink. Not sure what it is...but the locals often sell this stuff. How does it taste? Haha...I'll leave it up to your own imagination!

After my drink, We got unto a cab, which took us on a senseless detour. The cab driver drove us in the opposite direction in an attempt to earn more money. We were so fed up that we got off the cab half way near a train station. We really almost wanted to tell Darryl to break his gear shift or something, WASTE OUR TIME!! Anyways... Since we were at the station...we took some pics=D

After half a day of shopping and all, lunch was exciting! It's an interesting buffet concept that you can't really find in singapore! We were at this steam boat place that offers you to eat all you can for 1hour 15min. The buffet only cost us 8bucks SGD per person!

Since the buffet was time limited, didn't have time to take much pictures! The tempura prawns and the tender beef/pork was SHIOK! Nothing like what you can find in singapore for 8 bucks!

Talking about the time limit, every 5min extra would mean extra charge (It's still cheap) but the restaurant was nice enough to let us off 10min late without any extras!

We went to do some exercise after food. ARCADE! There's guitar heroes in their arcade! COOL! Who do you think will be enjoying the most at the arcade?

Hehe! I also play alot actually, guitar heroes was really fun! We had nice deserts at an ice cream outlet that's not found in singapore! BASKIN ROBBINS!

This place has really wicked ice cream enough to make you melt. It's something like another bens & jerrys kinda thing. But their flavours are so wicked! 10 STARS for their ice cream!

Anyways, I took a shot of the famous MBK, the place that singaporean likes to come when they are in Bangkok!

So the whole day was spent shopping at MBK, and all the Siam areas. There's this place called the Siam Paragon, which was just hugely wicked and wickedly nice.

They even have nice sports cars in their shopping mall itself.

It was such a guitar paradise for me as well. They have many shops in that area that sells high end acoustic and electric guitars! All the expensive Takamine can be found there! When I say expensive guitars, I mean like 2k-8k kinda price range.

Some other random pics we took at Siam Paragon...

There was also another Siam place called Siam discovery...I saw that they have UCC! I think it's some jap coffee branch..

They have very cool toilet concepts too...the toilets are built to look like they're part of the shops! This lousy shot probably won't do the description any justice. If you ever get a chance, see it for yourself!

Night life is really pretty cool in their town area. Live bands (with proper expensive stage set ups) are just everywhere, every corner, and every inch!

We headed to Hardrock Cafe Bangkok for dinner!

The red sign on the pic above says: "No drugs or nuclearweapons allowed inside"

Haha matthew looks really silly in that shot...but kinda nice too! haha...here's yet another shot of Darryl that I really like. (He always get good shots in this trip)

I didn't take pics of the food cause actually hardrock's just a dark place with live music and expensive western food. Hmm...the bill was shocking thou. The most expensive meal ever!

After meal, the girls got high about their medicure that they did (they probably spent 1/2 the day waiting for the guy to finish) He's a really slow dude...but the works he does are quite nice!

Another random shot of the Siam area, which is outside hardrock

Day 4-

By now we were already very sick of the hotel's breakfast! So we decided to eat at the street stalls. We woke up early and headed to Pratunam (yet another shopping place) I'm so scared of shopping already....

Just look at the yummy noodles!!

Sarah got so excited that she broke a chopstick. She's really strong!!! (Her records includes: Judo, Dragon boat, having the world's strongest iron toes, and attempting to steal and take a water melon home in her bag!)
There we go again...walking around...shopping...see aqua (gay)...here's some interesting stuff that I saw along the way. A 20XL size T-shirt shop! that's XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL!!!

Seeing this along the roadside feels funny too haha! Naked family

And as usual, the roadside stalls...

That was some vegetable infested kinda thing fried like a carrot cake! Dun be deceived by its looks...IT'S DELICIOUS! (to me atleast) Here's a close up!

They like to pour some kinda black sauce on it to eat (rocks) While walking and shopping, we stumbled upon a really nice outdoor cosy cafe! Time to rest our legs! (and eat again)!

The yummy food has finally arrived!

I really liked the crackers with ham and cucumber. They put this yellow sauce that's REALLY REALLY GOOD (20Stars!) I wonder what sauce it is. Song Lee, do you know? WAHAHA!

This is yet another beautiful shot of Darryl! I really like this one!=D

I just talked about tea break and so fast, we're eating again! Lunch at A & W! Who misses their ice cream waffles??? I do...

See this dish below! the rice is made in the A & W bear shape!!!

Anyone that knows Matthew long enuff will know how CLEAN he finishes his chicken.

After lunch was walk around again. Some random pics of Pratunam area while we were walking around.

This is one ugly uniform! look at the base of their shoes!

Cute dog!

The next picture is one of my fav!

As we were walking away from Pratunam, We passed by their Isetan.

I think this place is called "Central World" There's some really big youth event kinda thing going on. The events here are really happening compared to the ones in singapore! And check out the skies of Bangkok!

There're liek tons of students at events like this...

And also alot of nice handicraft stuff like these shoes!

Another pic of the place!

After walking around so much...and all the days of shopping and standing...We're really really tired...Even take picture also look so plastic already...

SO....WE'VE DECIDED....TO GO FOR THAI MASSAGE! While waiting for our turn, we took some silly pics...

We were seperated from the girls. But they were luffing all the way in their own room...wonder what's happening! And what's a good and funny trip without Darryl doing something special??!! He fell aslp and was snoring away during the massage! HAHA!! The lady was like EERRR.... After the massage, we were all recharged and hungry...Went back to our hotel to eat all the things we tapao while in the city area!

It's alot of food really...donuts...curry...cup noodles...garlic bread...soup...cookies...just too many! Think we cannot fit into the clothes we buy already...

Final day-

Went out very early in the morning...We have a flight to catch in the afternoon! And today is saturday. For those who know...weekend in Bangkok is the real deal! There's a place that only opens on weekends: Chatuchak Weekend Market!!

On our way there, I realised there's this odd shop right ourside our hotel...

It says Men's underwear...But if you look carefully, shop's selling tons of BRAS! -_-"" Their male and female is quite confused anyway...I think they're selling to "men"...those half half ones!

Here we are! Chatuchak Weekend Market!

Chatuchak is a 14football sized field market (world largest pasamalam I think) that sells everything you can think of. Animals, furniture, clothings, accessories, secondhand clothes, food, you name it. Really everything!

The inside looks like this:

Millions of dark allys like these...It's so freakin' big I always get lost in this place.

It was so rushed...didn't manage to snap much..Here are afew more nice pics of Chatuchak...(I love thailand's sky!)

We had to rush back to the hotel in the afternoon. After checking out of the hotel, the rest went to do some last min shopping around the hotel area, while Darryl and I had our "last lunch in Thailand"

What's a good and funny trip without some good local food?? We found a run down place that served the locals. It was one of the best meals I had in Bangkok at only 6bucks (for all that we ordered).

Are you hungry? The 1st dish...Fried pork with Basil Leaves!

Second up, ok there's no fancy name...just fried eggs that tasted real good!

How can we forget we're in Thailand! Tom Yum Gong!!

After such a satisfying meal..we were on our way back home...took some pics on the cab..

A final group photo together at the airport!

This is the pic of Darryl with the king of Thailand...Somehow...I feel Darryl kinda looks like the king...hohoho!! (Thats why I forced him to take this random pic!)

Another pic of Bangkok's Airport...

While waiting for our flight...Everyone's just simply amazed by Darryl's skill on PSP. Again, what's a good and funny trip without some high shots of Darryl??

This is really, really our final group shot...too bad I can't be inside..=(

Well...That's all folks! I really miss Thailand now! The next post...KOREA!!

Absolute bangkok prelude

2008-08-06T21:33:00.004+08:00

Absolute Bangkok (Part 1) -

Warning: The fonts will only appear good and proper in Internet Explorer, Mozilla will be cock up, blogger sucks.

It's about time I start cleaning the spider webs off this page and update you guys on my trips. For those who do not know, ever since I ORD, I've already been on 3 overseas trips: Malaysia, Korea & Thailand! That's my protest against the lost of my freedom for the past 2 years.

I must say that I was not keen on the Bangkok trip because my last visit to Bangkok afew years ago was nothing that great, and they did have cheap stuff, but sometimes it's the quality that counts.

This trip has totally improved my perception of bangkok as a shopping paradise! (If you want to know how much stuff I bought from this trip, den u'll have to read on)

The best thing is: I brought my Nikon D50 along with me to the trip=D

This post in full is SUPER SUPER LONG. (spend many many hours to do) I've decided to publish the part 1 first, and the part 2 next week! (actually the part 2 is already done)

Absolute bangkok part 1

2008-08-06T13:15:00.033+08:00

The trip started in early morning 4am!:

Day 1-

Sarah, Jing Yi, and Sue!

And of course Matthew and Darryl! You won't see me that often in the pictures lol!

This was a silly red ribbon that a "certain member" in our group had tied on her luggage to help her identify her own luggage. (oops I gave away her gender identity) Haha it was so funny cause it was so small compared to her huge luggage (and this one is the cheapo one used to tie birthday cake box)

What is a good and funny trip without jokes and surprises from Darryl? He brought a super small luggage. I really do mean "super small"!!

The budget terminal and budget airline was a terribly shocking experience. Toa payoh bus interchange and AMK hub does look alot better. The depature gate looked like SGH in the 80s or something. The plane seats were so tiny. Only Darryl the all-terrain-sleeper could fall aslp in such a plane. (Jingyi in the background also shocked!)

Many have tried to sleep on the plane, but failed!

The landing of the budget airline was the most memorable. When the wheels were trying to come out of the plane, there was the EEEEKKKKKEEKKKKEKK GRRR GRRR sound that was so terrible, we didn't know to laugh or to pray for our lives. Finally after a 2 hour lousy flight, we've reached Bangkok airport!=D

While taking pictures in the airport, I was scolded by one of their staff. the staff said: "stop! stop" in the usual gay tone that's common in the country. Right after that we saw a poster saying: "Thailand, land of smiles". Ya right...................

This is a totally self organised trip, so we had to navigate ourselves!

Hmm how come only 4 person trying to navigate. What happened to the other 2??
Oh well...what's a good and funny trip without Darryl and his random poses? Takes one to pose and one to shoot hehe!

Haha Darryl always has a priceless look. The "what the heck?" look haha! We later on got unto a 9seater cab that was totally rewarding as compared to the budget airline. As I look out of the window, I really like the clouds of thailand sky!

You can compare jing yi on cab and while she was on the plane and you'll know how comfortable the cab was heh=D

Our hotel spotted! It's called prince palace. But the weird colours on the building makes me wonder why they didn't name it princess palace in the 1st place.

What's a good and funny trip without shocking pictures. We're only 6 ppl but look at the amount of footwear we bought. (try and see how many pairs belonged to the 3 girls *crazy!)

We stayed at a large suite with 3 bed rooms and a common living room! It's just shiok and cosy living together. The hotel had a great window view too!

We set off for our 1st meal of the day at bobae shopping tower. We were so hungry that by the time we realised should have taken pics of our food, it was at this stage already hehe! The place was so freakin' cheap. I ate like osama havn't eaten for a month and I only spent 3bucks SGD.

What is a good and funny trip without Darryl and his stuns? Look at how clean his plates are! He ate a whole plate of fried pork rice and thai fried rice!

We went on after lunch to shop around the tower, it's alot of kids clothings and alot of other random stuff...some were really ugly thou...

There was this crazy pink shop that sold nothing but pink stuff...

Ok i saw 1% of orange Tees in the shop. Which brand do you think they were trying to copy? Hehe wad a silly name!

When I told my friends and family that I was going to Thailand as a 6 person group, most of them said: Wah not a nice number, have to take 2 cab everywhere you go leh! We ourselves also thought so too...but den...we realise that....

We're all too brainwashed by our laws back in homeland. Who says the cab can't sit 6 (including the driver 7) people??? Hehe try and think of the chinese new year times.

Well while some suffered, some get to sit infront! This was the only time I was infront thou.The rest of the trip, we've decided to put our ever favourite Darryl infront. Imagine if the driver tried to be funny or want to charge us more money...He'll have to face Darryl! WAHAHA!!! This is random, but here's some yummy-licious-I-want-more donuts in Bangkok.

After a super tiring day of shopping and all, Sarah brought us to a place where we could eat sharks fins, birdnest, and spend like a king with the cheap stuff in Bangkok!

Those were some lousy shots of the food (I promise my korea pics will be better) Anyway, we were quite shocked to see them put a whole glass of spring onion for us to eat with the food. Even an onion lover like me is shocked to see that on the table. Song Lee, are you hungry?? HAHA!

And GUESS WHAT?! This restaurant put their lemon-lime thingy in their toilets. I'm not sure if the girls who're reading this know what are moth-balls (is that how you spell it??) but look at this!!

Well...feels quite weird aiming at it while I pee...definitely a very "thai" experience..Anyways, after the dinner, we went to walk around their china town at night. Nothing that fantastic..but we did see HUGE prawns.

There were also some night food stalls...which I really wanted to try but was so full from all the bird's nest.

There was this shop that was throwing raw ducks around there were so many of them, it looked like a horror movie!

We also spent a long time trying to look for some shopping mall which we later discovered have closed down! Disappointed as we were, we decided to cheap thrill ourselves by trying out the local's KFC!

The restaurant looks all fine and normal from the pictures until you actually see what's on top of the restaurant!

Wad a crazy bucket of chicken! Anyway, we ordered their roast chicken burger to try...yum!

Random shot of the snacks I bought at a nearby 7 Eleven which was so cheap. It rocks=D

Haha some shot that I quite like, the lonely streets of bangkok.

This looks liek a scary place, "Golden Bangkok Guest House". Reminds me of "You3 Fang2 Chu1 Zu1", some hongkong ghost serial.

Day 2-

The next morning, we woke up for breakfast at our hotel's cafe, and...GUESS WHAT WE SAW??

Does that remind you of a pic you saw earlier?

I think they really like this whole "grass in glass" idea. I hope I dun see anymore of those "lime in toilet bowls" idea.

Heh it's a sunny morning, a great start to another great day of makan and shopping! We went back to chinatown again, but it's a total different place in the morning. It's a super girl's accessories paradise. I'll let the pics do the speakin!

The guys went on our own way while the girls went their own shopping way. So naturally a guy's stomach will lead him to delicious instincts!

That was a really delicious omelet rice from the road side stalls. It only cost about 60-70cents in our currency. And again, what's a good anf funny trip without Darryl discovering something funny??

I'm sure those shoes can't even fit into Darry's tiny luggage. There're also alot of fruits and vegetables and other food along the way!

Those that you just saw were boxes of shark's fin...Hmm it's quite cruel, think I should stop eating them! There crabs have special colours! I've never seen them before!

Yummy pork!!=D

We started to get tired of walking and decided that we needed a place to chill. We went around and saw this rustic coffee shop!

Just look at the amount of drinks there were on the table. But infact, we only ordered 3 drinks. I'm not sure if this is a thai thing. But each of our drink came with kinda like a "stock" drink. They love to give "tea" so each drink came with an additional glass of tea. so 6 drinks for the price of 3! Incase you're wondering what's on Matt's hand, it's some real nice local delight. Fried bananas. It's different from the singapore's one. These are actually coated with the exact flour and taste of the "fried butterfly" (you know the one that's sold at you2 tiao2 stalls, coated with sesame seeds) Think of the taste of "fried butterfly" in sweet bananas! YUMMY! One of my personal fav!
Back to the coffeeshop, we ordered some really delicious stuff!

A kaya toast that's really thick and full of kaya, and a pork floss toast with some kinda meat sauce. The meat sauce floss toast blew our minds away really. Dun try to imagine you're eating the bread talk one cause it's totally different. This one is another of their local thing that killed me with its taste.

Here's some nice pics of the handsome guys!

I really like the Darryl pic! heh..Anyways, for people who has never been to bangkok before, it has quite heavy and messy traffic. People can just drive over some random walkway or squeeze through a mini bugis street for shortcuts. This is the their traffic during non peak hours!

With bad traffic comes good driving skills. Who the hell can park like this in singapore seriously?? this one below is crazy!! (for your info, there are cars infront and behind of these 2 cars that are almost equally close to them!) I wonder how they come out!

"The All Amazing Thailand Drivers"! Haha...oh and it's time for lunch!! Jing Yi brought us to some nice tim sum place with nice tom yam soup!! YUMMY!

Seriously, what you see is not all you get. We really ordered like as though it was free. 1 dish was less than a dollar! We also stopped by at some cafe which felt like it was in the middle of nowhere in the messy chinatown. It was really chill (nice drinks!)

What happened to Sarah while the other girls are posing with their drinks?? She was actually at the internet station getting stunned by some mail she saw haha! You can go ask her what it was!

Later on in the night, we went to a very complicated night place called Patpong. It's their sleezy red light district. But of course, we didn't do anything else other than shopping!

We tried Thailand's Mcdonalds for dinner! Yummy! Here're some really lousy shots of the restaurant!

Check out their toilet signs for the different genders, so cool!

Obviously the Mcdonalds was not enuff...SO..we had some food from the room service as well! some Lasagne, Thai green curry, and some i dunno what chicken noodles! As usual we were so quick with the eating, it's already half eaten before I took any shots hehe!

Hmm the hungry girls!

And the hungry guy!

Ok la actually I ate like a pig too but too bad no one was taking pictures of me heh heh heh..Time to take a pic of myself!

While everyone is busy over something, Darryl was...

Haha he spends 72hours a day training on his psp. And how he does that? He can slow down time when he uses his Genjutsu! (for those that dun understand wad I'm talking about...just know that Darryl is a guy that can enter into an illusion world)

ALRIGHT FOLKS! STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 =D=D=D

+(

2008-06-18T23:43:00.002+08:00

Day by Day-

Day by day, my energy and joy depletes...

Day by day, day by day...

Day by day those images disolves into thin air...

Day by day, day by day...

I want to live in those jazzy moments once again...is it too much to ask for?

ORD MSG

2008-06-14T18:47:00.004+08:00

ORD LOH-

It's a pride and joy for me to finally be a part of the singaporean male family..It's my turn to shout ORD LOH!!!=D Let me flash you my all powerful "old generation" type pink IC!

Have to sensor some sensitive info in such an ugly way lol!

Well many ppl think that I'm very happy, especially my sergeants. But the truth is...I'm not really happy to ORD actually. I really do miss the job...it's been a fun job. It's been challenging, it's been very meaningful. It's been a real great bonding of the guys, heart to heart.

All these felt like a long dream, and suddenly before I realised, I've woken up from it and I feel lost. The world outside is different from what it was 2 years ago. My shoulder of responsibilities feels alot heavier, I'm at the crossroad of my life not knowing what to do for my long term future.

Alot of unanswered questions I have about life and all before my NS, many of them were not answered during NS. And now I not only carry those pre-NS unanswered questions, I have with me questions that left me hanging while I was doing my NS. So I'm officially full of questions now, with no answers.

Maybe God has answered some of them but I didn't catch the answers, maybe they're not meant to be answered. Maybe I'm asking myself the wrong questions...

Well...life goes on! I guess it's like jungle navigation in army. Just can't stop there to think why you're there suffering, but to just walk on and complete it, whether you're with yr friends or all by yourself.

SuperBand

2008-04-18T20:04:00.002+08:00

SuperBand-

Yup for some of you who know about it, I took part in it this year. I'm really quite sad/disappointed that my band didn't make it to the top 16.

Anyway, GINA GOH who's the band's lead singer has blogged about it already. So just read about the whole super band thing from her blog ok?

The link: http://zuanqing.livejournal.com/57689.html#cutid1

Bad Omen

2008-04-18T15:00:00.003+08:00

- Do You Believe in Bad Omen?

It was sunday night (Sunday the 13th). I had to folk out my dearest 16bucks to take a cab and rush down to the ferry terminal that fetches me to the famous botak island, where botak hill is.

Everything was rush. I had to book in early. It sucks. No time to prepare for anything. No time to slack. No time to chill...just to book in early that particular night because: I HAVE DUTY ON MONDAY.

Having done so many officer's duties around different camps in singapore. I think (and all the botak hill officers know) that botak hill, has the worst of the worst of the worst duties. You will never feel such intense pain, misery, stress, and pressure in your life other than being a botak hill duty officer.

"We hate being botak hill duty officer". That's our secret motto. I had to even rush in with 16bucks cab + 1/2hour boat tour + 15min walking just for that crap.

~It's a bad start~

Nevermind about those things. My duty was actually supposed to start at 8am on monday, but I had to rush in because the sunday duty officer had to rush off next day on 6am. Which means to say I'm 2hour short of sleep, and working 2hours extra.

~Feels like something bad might happen~

I reached botak hill on sunday night at around 10pm and went straight to my bunk. To my shock and horror, I forgot to bring my locker pad lock keys. So I had to search high and low around the botak hill just to look for a super giant and powerful cutter that can cut padlocks. I went back and cut my locker padlock and finally got accessed to my locker. I didn't like the idea of cutting open a padlock that you had the key to. It just feels wrong. It's like smashing the door into your own house.

~It's a bad omen~

finally settled everything and got to bed at 12am. 5 1/2 hour left to sleep. Just then, I was awakened by loud banging of walls and nailing of wood by my neighbour. It was so loud and terrible that my bed vibrated. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING AT 1 AM IN THE MORNING!!!! I thought to myself. I almost wanted to wear my uniform and knock all the sergeants and storeman down. They did that till it was almost 2am. By then, I was quite ready to draw my rifle and open fire at them already. Nevermind....It's over...I'll forgive them. 3 1/2 hours left and I still havn't got to sleep.

~Weird things are happening...It's really a bad omen~

Woke up at 5.30. Reported for duty at 6am. All was calm. All was good. There were no phone calls, no tasks, nothing at all. It was 11am. Lunch time is coming soon. The duty was too good to believe, but yet I felt a weird anxiety on me.

~Even the good things felt like it was a bad omen~

Before I went for lunch, I received a call from my superior, asking the duty officer to report to him. This is usually bad. I stepped into his office, and he passed me a whole box of heavy padlocks. He told me that my task was to change ALL the padlocks in the island. That was terrible. NO ONE CHANGES PADLOCKS EVEN FOR THE PAST 15YEARS! Each place that has high security or secret would usually need about 2 padlocks atleast? I have to change atleast 20+ padlocks!And each heavy duty padlock weight about 2kg. Bringing 40+ kg in a sling bag around the island is no joke.

The sucky part is I still have to label the padlocks, label and seperate their spare keys, collect back the old padlocks and keys, and organise everything. That'll take a long time.

~And all hell broke loose~

While I was still busy with my 1st task, My next task was to implement a change in the security system in botak hill. That's probably the worse thing that could happen to mankind in army uniform. Details excluded, but it would mean that I have to edit millions of official documents, change alot of procedures and understand the rationale behind the changes. Everywhere I walk I'll be approached by millions of people of all ranks and they would ask me about the new procedures. I've probably explained the same thing about a million times. The worse part is people that dislike the new system even scolded me for the change. BUT WHAT IT GOT TO DO WITH ME?? I DIDN'T DECIDE ON THOSE CHANGES!

These 2 things have already overkilled me for the day....but...

~THE WORSE IS YET TO COME~

Totally weary, drenched, hungry, sleepy. It was midnight, and I still have duty reports that were uncompleted. I received the call of my life. Some guy at botak hill was feeling low and he has thoughts of ending his life. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!!!! By the time I settled that matter and finished all the reports regarding that idiot, it was already 2.

Miserable and unreal things continued to happen all the way till about 12pm the next day. Remember what I mentioned earlier? That the official time of the duty is 8am. So by right I should have finished it by next day 8am. SO WHAT AM I DOING TILL 12PM???? I don't wish to eleborate, but the smart ones would have guessed that shit must have happened between 8am to 12pm.

When it all ended, I felt like I've just fought a war, but at the same time, it was like as though I was in the wrong war. I couldn't talk properly, couldn't calculate simple mathematics. I can recall anything. I just want to sleep. Don't even feel like bathing.

It's a day I won't forget. But nvm, I'll give it to them, because I'm only less than 1 working month away...TO ORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

April Fool

2008-04-03T11:51:00.002+08:00

April Fool-

It's an unforgettable day for me. A good friend of mine called to tell me he's out of officer cadet training. "This must be an april fool joke" I said to myself. I continue to probe to realise that what he said is true.

He's been a great friend for a long time, someone whom I feel wld be a better officer den me. From IPPT fail, he worked hard and became the platoon best. I supported him as well as an instructor in botak hill. He has done well so far in his officer course. And now he's out all of a sudden.

Later in the day another april fool happened. I was supposed to be officially promoted on 1st april (some told me it's an april fool joke). True enough there's an administrative cock up (as usual) and our official promotion date have to be delayed. But no one cares, we went around putting the new ranks on all our friends who were promoted on that day. Hahaha...our boss saw that, and he liked that idea of self promotion as well!

I went out at night to meet my good friend and his girlfriend for dinner (i'm a light bulb again) We had such a good time really (though i'm still a light bulb) and such a good talk with the 2 old friends. Have not enjoyed myself in such a long time...A weird april fool full of things that I thought were jokes...but it was a good day for me actually...finally...a happy post about myself in a long time...=D

40SAR

2008-03-16T21:59:00.002+08:00

Hell of A Great 3 Months -

For the many who didn't know, I was not at botak island for the past 3months plus. I was at one of the armour camp conducting bmt for the poor little souls there. Life there's great. I'm like totally in love with it. Lets see what is the diff between botak island and armour camp!

Transport:

Botak Hill - Walk like walkie talkie, reach jetty wait like waiter, sit boat slow like snail, wait for bus so long collect dust, take bus jam like running up a ramp. And after all these hassle you finally see...Pasir Ris MRT. (still at the far corner of singapore but 1hour+ have passed.)

Armour Camp - 975...985...HOME. End of Story.

Food:

Botak Hill - Changi Nasi Lemak, 1 Hour. Mc Donalds, 1.5 Hours. Bubble Tea Shop, 1.5 Hours. For everything that you want outside of Pasir Ris, Priceless.

Armour Camp - Lot 1, 15min. Jurong Pt, 20min. Heavenly road side stalls, 10min. Great makan out experience with sweaty ns buddies, Priceless.

Loging:

Botak Hill - The celling fan collasped in my bunk and almost grind my face into pieces. Rats. Mouldy water cooler. Recruits can see what colour underwear you wearing for the day (thru your window). Requires clothe hanger as antenna for TV reception.

Armour Camp - Room with view of greenary. Bed Sheet changing service. Pool table, Sofa, internet, all at the lobby.

All Right...Gtg...Will blog more on my next post=D

different paths

2008-03-09T17:27:00.002+08:00

Story of a Girl-

This is the story of a girl. She had a bad day. She was late for her work, she forgot a meeting with her client, and she even lost her wallet during dinner.

As she approaches the door to her house, her legs were heavy. She didn't knew where to go. She didn't felt like going home, but neither did she felt like going anywhere else. She opened the door and lay silent on her couch. Her pet dog was barking but she was completely oblivious to it.

She closes her eyes and flashbacks were running through her mind. She recall the quarrels that she had with her dad. They seem to want to understand each other but they never did. She can't understand why things have to happen this way. It affected her sleep so much that she could not sleep well, causing her to be late for work today.

To empty her saturated brain, she went and took a hot bath. She spent the rest of the night at the computer surfing the net, floating her mind away from the problems in her life.

Story of a Dog-

This is the story of a dog. She had a lonely day. Her owner left home early morning in a big rush. She could see that her owner was troubled. There's no sparkle in her, she dressed sloppily.

The owner forgotten all about her. She had nothing to eat, but she's ok. She just wanted the owner to be happy. She thought of what to do to cheer her owner up a little when she comes back from work.

After the long wait, her owner is back. The dog barked for joy, but she ignored her totally. The dog wanted to ask her owner about her problems, wanted to encourage her, be her listening ear, wanted to be near her owner, but the owner didn't really bother. She was in deep thoughts. The owner went for a bath, and she drown herself before the com the whole night. The dog didn't know what to do anymore. She wanted the owner to acknowledge her presence. She longed for the owner to hold her up and hug her. She was hopping that the owner would whisper her thoughts and problems to her. But all these did not happen. The dog was sad, but there's just nothing more she could do.

love and why.

2008-03-02T23:01:00.003+08:00

366days-

I was too busy to realise that this year is a leap year, until when I was planning for my recruit's hand grenade live firing. Yes, it happened on 29th feb. What a special day for them, every singaporean would usually throw a live grenade only once in their lifetime, which is during their BMT and these guys get to throw on 29th feb.

But it's just another mono day for me. As we were returning back to camp on the boat, there was tv mobile and I saw some publicity for a show "the leap years". Quite cool to know that girls can actually date guys on 29th feb n guys can't reject.

But these days its so screw up and everyone's so empty and desperate, I have girl friends who date guys out every other day. (date as in serious date) makes 29feb another mono day. (probably also because I'm not one of the guys girls would usually date haha)

The next day I went to watch the show. It was a really nice movie. I liked the songs, the quotes, the warmth. I see many of my ideas on what love and life is about, all imprinted in the movie itself.

Something from the movie I won't forget: "If you're not too long, I'll wait here for you all my life - Oscar Wilde"

Maybe you're already in my life...maybe I don't even know who you are...but I'll wait for you. I'm just afraid you'll take too long...cuz I only have a lifetime to live here.

Things That I Say-

Someone made me realise that I really hurt/piss people with what I say at times. Well..I really don't mean to do so. I hate to hurt people, but I do it unknowingly. I feel so ugly. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I always screw up at the things I wanna do best. Now I finally understand why I shouldn't be in the ministry, why I lose that great friend, and why "she" decided to leave me all of a sudden.

what's my age again

2008-02-14T13:35:00.003+08:00

23...-

23 has always been something I've remembered since my sec sch days. The 1st time i took notice of it was when i bought my 1st ever sony discman. In those days where center parting was cool, (<---haha) sony discman was like the ipod touch or something. Super state of the art, great sound, comes with a nice remote control and the discman is super slim.

I bought the discman at that time totally out of the fact that it's cool and nice, but I actually have no use for it (<---haha dumb). So to make it useful, I bought afew CDs to listen to. One techno albumb and one rock albumb. I fell in love with the rock one (techno's dumb) and that CD is by Blink 182, better known as "that albumb which has the song all the small things". One of my favourite song is "what's my age again".

The song is kinda about the singer who's 23 and not acting like his age. Still being stupid still doing crap. It has a line saying "nobody likes you when you're 23". I was only 15 back then, and the age 23 seems like a far away thing. Since then I always wondered, what would my life be like when I become 23.

I thought about how CNY is gonna be like, how my relatives are gonna be like when they grow up. Also wondering if my Vdae would be a special one, whether I'll be working or having school holidays during june, how to celebrate a 23th bdae, who I'll be with counting down to christmas, and what kinda end of year count down would I choose to have at 23.

Now 23 is no longer just some random thought. It has become a reality.

Seems like 23 is just another year in my life. It's black and white. I guess it'll be interesting to center all my posts this year (If I'm still gonna blog) around the magic number 23.

CNY-

Rumoured to be the legendary CNY, with the holidays joining up with the weekends to form up a super long weekend, this year's CNY is rather boring for me.

My whole family's overseas, and I didn't get to visit much relatives. The least ang pows I've collected this year, not even making up to be $120. Didn't really get to catch up much with my relatives. Didn't crave for any new yr goodies too. Relatives of my age just gets more dull and busy. Most of them are working and attached, getting stuck in the monotonous patterns and routine of their own confined lives.

The talks and jokes about our childhood still happens, but everything seemed to have lost its sparkle. Still remember last time we would steal new year goodies in our pockets, trying to pretend that we didn't receive our ang pows so that our aunties would give us another one. Being amazed by the new packet drinks and new flavours that we would find during new year visits. Catching at the playground, playing heart attack with gambling cards. The highlight- Playing fireworks and pop pops at night!

All those things are already a past. Now that I revisit CNY as a 23 years old guy, the people are the same, and everything remains. But there's just no more sparkle.

Just as I'm blogging, I also realised that today's Vdae. I'll probably blog about that on another day.

Stubborn

2008-02-07T17:03:00.000+08:00

Dun understand why u're like this. Always think u're right in your own way, but never seeing the bigger world around you. Always self contained in yr thoughts without exploring those of others.

I think everyone's right about u. I used to disagree with them, but now I know what they mean. U're just stubborn.

What has happened so far

2008-01-27T22:48:00.000+08:00

Looking Back...Walking Forward-

Just 4 more months to ORD. these 2 years felt like as though I've left my own personal life for a very long time. Teaching the sec 1 kids sunday school, sneaking into church to practice drums on weekdays, anime, late nights, part time banquet jobs..all those seemed like only yesterday. But so much have already changed.

The sec1 kids are already so old already, they're more like friend den students to me. I don't practice drums, watch anime, or work part time anymore. my late night hangouts have all been renovated and changed.

So what have I really accomplished (for my own personal life) from the day I enlisted till now..? Let me take a look at my own checklist:

1. To become fitter- was 100% now drop to 50%
2. To accomplish something which I can consider for myself big in the army- 100%
3. Improve on my drums n guitar during free time- 1%
4. Improve relationship/ closeness with family- more den 50%
5. Save up enough money to build a sound proof room- 0%
6. To start a savings plan- 100%
7. To draw closer to God during my NS life- less than 50% accomplished =(
8. To treasure those around me more- 90%
9. To win souls for christ in NS- less than 50% accomplished =(
10. To gain some leadership/organisational skills- 100%
11. Find a special someone by the time I ORD- hohoho 0%
12. Get super hot guitars- 70% (just lacking of a $3000 acoustic only hohoho)
13. Collect memories that would last me a lifetime- 100%
14. To be a better man- hehehe...unknown...

Oh well.....haha...maybe I should really save more money...no more canteen breaks!

People I admire

2008-01-20T20:56:00.000+08:00

The "up" people-

I think I'm a person who's quite demanding with standards at times. And it's easy for someone like me to pick up the mistakes of others. But these days, I really do see quite alot of very "up" ppl...They're so up that sometimes you feel they're there and you're far from them...(up means good btw..)

You're one very up person...I realli dunno how you can always share the love and the sunshine to everyone. You can love the most unloved person and really lower down to their level. But yet you're a class of your own. You're understanding and humble...it's almost too difficult to describe with words. Both thumbs up for u.

hmm...so many other "up" ppl...but abit tired to blog le. I have no inspiration to blog these days...why...I also dunno...

the 2007 post

2008-01-01T09:40:00.000+08:00

2007......-

I've really blogged very little for the year. This is just a super long post for my self reflection, which I believe not many will finish reading. Hopefully my thoughts and reflections will hit upon one of your hearts, leading you to reflect on the important things and reminding you to think about the great things.

It has been a crazy and absolutely out of my mind year in 2007. It's like the worse thing that has ever happened to me, but yet it's also the year that kinda opened up my eyes to discover a different side of life, a different side of myself that I never knew.

In a nutshell, I ended 2006 christmas with hurts, disappointment and tears. I started with 2007 with very intense training from my senior phase of officer training. I failed to perform and my performance failed me as well. Physically not fit enough, mentally not tough enough, logically not sound enough, emotionally not strong enough.

Something special did occure around the start of the year . I saw my world of black and white slowly filled with vibrant colours. But it ended up as the greatest disappointment and hurt in my life. I have never felt worse in my life than that, and to make things more tragic and dramatic, I was presented a terrible brunei trip.

During the mid of the year, a very proud moment of my life, the greatest celebration in my life, to have my parents aknowledge their lazy son's achievement and to have them present my new officer rank to me. Only to find out that I'm a new officer that's being thrown to a new working environment without enough man power, without anyone to teach, guide or protect me. Paying for mistakes that I've commited when no one taught me anything before. Working 18 hours a day because the sergeants under me not doing their job. Figuring out how to do everything myself because no one cares beyond themselves. Being hated by my men when it's not my fault, being rejected by them when you have to make tough judgement call. Maximum work minimal rest.

Been pondering about some things in 2007....

/losing myself.

I have very little or even no time for myself. No time to do my daily routines, no time for my weekly routines even. I didn't get to surf my favourite websites as often as I did, minimal music playing, no jam with bands, no time to shop, no time for computer games. No opportunity to go out with my friends, no chance to meet the ones I love. No weekday night suppers, no weekend chills. No long chains of sms and long phone calls. I can't seem to even find the time to encourage my friends and churchmates.

Den I realise...I'm beginning to lose myself. I suddenly don't know who I am and why I exist. Instead of a human being I'm like a human "being". I operate my body to accomplish tasks, my world is totally black and white. Tomorrow is always a deadline and today is yesterday's deadline for work.

I guess the problem is I allow what I do define who I am. I guess I've always been trying to define myself worth in what I can do or what I can contribute to others.

I realise I can't define myself, only God can. I've always failed to look at God for a definition of myself, I really wanna do it in 2008.

That's something I've learnt and I lift my hands and Thank The Lord.

/welcome to taiwan.

The best moments of my life. The place where I died and revived with my best buddies. My first ever roller coaster ride outside singapore. The 1st time where I knew I was extremely important and meant almost everything to someone. Even after my Taiwan trip, every bookout was with exceeding joy, every bookin full of assurance, understanding and love. But everything is like a freshly cut flowers, here today and gone tomorrow. Dried up and blown away with the winds.

Watching my world from vibrant colours fading to monochrome. Seeing my dreams crumble to dust. My joy was shortlived, my dreams were shattered.

Short lived but it seemed like God has shown me a fragment of what He has prepared for me ahead and will unfold before me when the time is right. I lift my hands and Thank The Lord.

/mirror mirror on the wall.

Tell me, what's the ugliest side of myself. Carrying hurts and sorrows, physical injuries and mental worries, I was send to brunei for a terrible jungle survival course. A time for all of us "refined and helpful" people to see the beast and selfish side in us. That ugly self that I see in the mirror only kicked me forward and encouraged me to endure the pain. I cried when I receive my prize by God's grace, having receive the badge I've always dreamed. I lift my hands and Thank The Lord.

/give up.

I broke my personal record. I'm someone that always have thoughts of giving up, but I'll never give up or let go something I hold important. 2007 has proved me wrong, I've given up on so many things that I really did give up on everything before. There were times where I totally ignored things for weeks, and even months.

I've given up on my friends, given up on my best friends, given up on my overseas friends, given up on my poly friends, given up on my army friends, given up on my recruits, given up on my church friends. I've given up on playing music, given up on love, given up on being an officer, given up on serving in church. Given up on thinking about life, given up on applying for uni, given up on talking to people, given up on thinking and caring about people. The worse of all, I've given up on God.

I'm just so glad that God always has His amazing ways of coming to the rescue. I managed to swim back to all the things that I've given up, whether for days, or months. I now hold everything close to my heart once again, and I lift my hands and Thank The Lord.

/a song for my no.1

I come before you today
And there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
For all you've given to me
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

Chorus:

With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretch arm
I will bless your name
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord

For all you've done in my life
You took my darkness and gave me your light
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
You took my sin and my shame
You took my sickness and healed all my pain
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

good week with the recruits

2007-11-11T18:38:00.000+08:00

Recruits, Fall In Now!!-

This was a super long weekend for me after the fieldcamp. I had the chance to have dinner with some of the recruits and my sergeants outside of the camp, in singapore, wearing our civilian clothes. I really like some of my recruits and some of my sergeants. They're just really very nice and understanding people. It's a pride and joy to be their leader, to have them understand your intent when you have to make certain hard decisions.

I have never felt like this before in my army life, but for once, I really felt like I'm their platoon commander. Not in name, not in rank, not in the amount of punishment I can give to them. But in the heart. If I had to lead men to a real war, I'll like to have the honour to lead some of them.

Choon-

Yes! This post is name after you, for you, and all about you. I'm just glad to see you back again!=D=D=D=D=D

Friends Forever?-

Hmm...can we be good friends again? I really miss the times we shared. Maybe it's the circumstances of life or maybe it's me who's just so dumb to screw up things all the time, but if all else fails, I would still not be able to give up this friendship. What do you really want me to do? What can I do or not do to make things alright again. I really dunno. But pls dun ignore me like this.=/

Extra Duties Awaits-

Recently there's been quite an uproar at my workplace due to certain people above me punishing many of the 0ff1c3rs for small mistakes. The week ahead seems like a stressful week for me. So many things for me to take charge of and so many opportinities to screw up and sign extra duties. I hate this kinda feeling man. I want june the 8th to come now=(

Crazy pics

2007-10-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

Crazy Tracy-

Haha just saw another crazy pic....better post it before I book in. Enjoy! heh=p

JCC'S LESSON

2007-10-14T01:51:00.000+08:00

Lesson From the Jungle-

While I was sitting in my friend's car looking out of the window today, I was pondering over things.

It reminded me of the most valuable lesson I learnt in Bru-nei.

I used to wait for someone to pull me up in the past, when I fall. But I've learn to stand up on my own even when u're yr lowest. When you are denied of every right and put to the lowest form. When you are helpless and no one gives you a hand. When you think there's no reason to even stand up. You still gotta stand up, because you're a survivor, you're not gonna end just there.

Each time I wear that badge I tell myself I'll never forget that lesson. The will power to survive. No matter wad terrible things I have to face.

I know I'll survive this one.

"what does not kill you will only make you stronger"

a deep thinking week

2007-10-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

Been Thinking About...

Had a super long weekend with nothing much to do. Sick and tired of trying to get my busy friends to go out, it feels like as though I owe them something have to dig it out of them.

Decided to go out alone. Went a place that I used to frequent very often as a primary/secondary school kid. Everything has changed. The shops are all different but the feeling remains the same. It reminded me of the past.

When I was very young I was a quiet kid living in my own world, with no one knocking on my door. No one knows the real me. Maybe it's more appropriate to say no one bothers.

My life became different when I met some good friends. They really cared. They shared their life with me and they allowed me to share mine with theirs. The colours in my life slowly unfolded.

Slowly it died down...bit by bit...Some became busy. Some who used to care didn't care already. Some forgotten, some faded away with time. Maybe I didn't realise, but I'm slowly sinking back into my own world again.

Is this growing up? or is this the typical life of a busy military guy? or maybe it's meant to be. I dunno. I ended up doing something which I always enjoyed but have not been doing for a long time. I took a long long bus ride home alone, sitting by the window.

Things That Piss Me Off-

The number 1 thing I cannot stand is when I see the people whom I love and care about destroy themselves. They break their promise to me, and they don't know how to take care of themselves. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it .

Things That Warms My Heart-

I was still having thoughts of changing church just this week, when I suddenly realise that there are people who really have great potential. They really care and they are so willing and eager. I'm so touched that God actually planted such people in my church. I guess I'm gonna stay on and what plans He has for me.

funny pics

2007-09-29T22:49:00.000+08:00

Random Pics-

There's just quite little to talk about about my life as a commander in some botak island. Everything is either restricted, no picture illustration (No cameras allowed) or just sound dry to those not in army.

Sometime this week I searched high and low to see all the pics on the computer. Went to develop all the pics from my 21st bdae, commissioning parade and some pics from the past.

Of course, in the process I see afew really funny pics. So I tot maybe I'll just put up some of them for fun (I did this before in my past posts)

ENJOY!

blank

2007-09-29T00:22:00.000+08:00

The smile that warms the heart of many.

gone

2007-09-25T23:29:00.001+08:00

But there's just something. That something about the way you fall asleep, that makes me wanna protect you. Even though I know I'm not the hero in yr heart.

2007-09-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

The Day We Unite As One-

Just imagine, your buddies, the ones beside you. Fought the same mission, ate the same mud. Stayed up for so many nights, laughed at the same jokes, whine about the same problems. Suddenly one day, because of some incident that happened which cannot be prevented, 6 of them were taken out of your training and did not commission with you.

All of us parted with tears, watching the 6 of them stay back in the officer school for another 3 months, after having already gone through 9months of hell.

Out of a sudden, you realise that 3months flew by like wind and it's the day your brothers, though 3months late, but still managed to commission.

How would you feel? You'll explode with joy. These are some pictures of joy:

It was such a defining moment to see them commission with tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces. They took a longer route, but they made it. You can just feel the extra pain they went through for the extra 3 months, the disappointment and hurts they beared when we commissioned without them, and finally everything became all worthwhile on this day.

Being their camera man was much more than great joy.

As I was making my way back, I looked at the evening sky of the place and it brings back memories. I remember the day I pass out as a private soldier, my dreams of getting into officer school.

I also remember the day I commission on the same parade square, and told myself that I'll be a good officer.

But now when I think back...I really dunno what to say. The workload is so much...the shit is so intense...was it all worthwhile? Is it really that noble a job to be an officer?

ORD MACHINE

2007-09-02T16:07:00.000+08:00

ORD MACHINE-

Just imagine there's a machine that counts down to the exact number of days, hours, minutes, and seconds to your ORD date. When the timer is up, it explodes, burns away all your army equipments and your pink ic flies out from the machine. A mechanical hand will then pass you a certificate to say that you've completed ns.

lol...fat hopes I know. Hmm time for early book in again! (Boring)
Anyone interested to catch a movie this coming weekend? I'll want to look forward to a movie so that my week can pass by faster=/

But in the end it's right

2007-09-02T10:51:00.000+08:00

Been Thinking About-

Think about a time where you really felt like following your friends for a quick supper before you head home. You really have cravings for the food and the experience of eating out late night, but you also know that it's gonna be fatterning and you're probably gonna not have a good sleep with such a full stomach.

You drag and wait...trying to decide which side of your heart you want to listen to. Finally you decided that you're not going for supper and you are heading home cause that's the logical and more "right choice" to make.

You reached home, sat on the sofa and look at yourself in the reflection of the black TV screen. You feel glad that you've made this choice and it wasn't a hard choice to make now that you've looked back.

But something still tingles you in your heart. It makes you wonder how nice it would be if you ate the supper, enjoyed the company, and the consequence wouldn't be that harsh to face afterall.

Have you felt like this before?

*A special note for some ppl that might get the wrong idea: this scenario only applies to situations where only it only involves yourself. If it involves other ppl's destiny or other ppl's loved ones, it would be a different scenario.

Life in the school

2007-08-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

I'm the King of the Jungle (Botak Island)-

Hmm it's been months since I've been posted to the "Botak Island". Alot of people might think it's cool, wearing rank on shoulders walking around in an Island where everyone else are recruits.

They do push ups on your command and they run when they see you. You get to watch tv in your office, sit around and tekan them during training, use computer, eat canteen food. Old old sergeants greet you sir, young recruits salute you.

Sounds gd eh?

But nobody knows what happens behind the scenes. They train, you either supervise, organise, or ensure their safety and welfare. They stay = you stay. But they book out doesn't mean you book out. They sick we ensure their rest, we sick but no one cares.

They make mistake we forgive, we make mistake, our boss will never forgive. Our bunks r small our bed sheet remains e same for years. Weak fan small window. Short weekend long working hours.

Their problems are your problem. If they got a problem with their bunkmates it's your problem. If they got a problem with you it's definitely yr problem. If they got a problem with themselves it's also yr problem. If they do not know their problem it's still is yr problem.

Their parent's problem will be your big problem, their's problem with their parents will be your bigger problem. They owe money your problem, they lose girlfriend also your problem. They don't eat, your problem. They eat too much, another problem. They keep reporting sick for nothing is big problem, but if they sick but don't report becomes even bigger problem.

They keep tell you their problem will give you problem, but if they don't tell you their problem will give you even bigger problem. If they dunno the solution to their problem, you have to find it for them. But if you dunno the solution to their problem, they will still find you to find the solution for their problem.

Problem problem problem...haha that's my life for the past few months.=p

thank you

2007-07-22T02:13:00.000+08:00

Hey you...Yes you...you there...

All this while, I know that you have been very nice to me. I wonder if you know who you are.

You have always been the one who sees the good in me. I wonder if you know who you are.

You have been a great encouragement to me in my worst moments in army. I wonder if you know who you are.

You are one of the few who takes interest in my blog and you read what I have to say with your heart. I wonder if you know who you are.

You share my pride and joy with me, in little ways that you don't express but I can feel it. I wonder if you know who you are.

You have always gone beyond your call of duty to help me and help others as well. I wonder if you know who you are.

I dunno what else I can say, I'm kinda lost for words. So I'll dedicate the blank space below to you, it's a way of thanking you which I can't express with words.

Thanks for everything=D

2007-07-10T00:09:00.001+08:00

A Tale of the Two Brothers-

This is the story of someone who has gone through the thickest and the thinnest with me in the army.

Chapter 1- What a mate!

"What an exciting moment for me...I heard that the bunks in the officer training school are 2men bunks! I wonder who my buddy would be..." I told myself as my dad drove me to report to the officer school on my 1st day.

"Officer cadet Leon! U will stay with officer cadet Jacob." I turned to look at my new buddy, "oh man..this guy looks like the kinda guy that's unserious about everything...I'm gonna have a hard time."

But little did I know...we could connect with each other so well it was hard to believe. We became friends.

Chapter 2- Two person, one dream

Everyday we would be whining about how xiong and crazy training was. Before we came to this place, we always told ourselves that if we were posted here, we will never quit. But now it's so tough that we really really felt like giving up. Everyone else in our platoon seemed to energetic and positive about the hard training except the both of us.

One fine night...both of us couldn't take it anymore. "Hey...leon, why did you want to be an officer?" I asked.

Leon: "Hmm...last time in basic military school, I was very inspired by my officer, and I wanted to be able to lead like him, and help others like him. I also wanna learn and experience something for myself in my 2 years stay in army"

Me: "Hmm...that sounds like me too...but looks like the both of us are gonna fail this course. So u also hope to return to basic military school to train the recruits like me?"

Leon: "Yeah! of cuz! It's the best place to be! U won't have to lead men to war, but u become like an instructor, a caring father to the recruits..."

Me: "That's exactly how I feel too! We have the same goal...maybe we can remind each other of our goal when we're down like now!"

Many weeks have gone by after that conversation we had...We found ourselves often marked by our instructors for either not paying attention to the dry and boring military lessons or for not knowing our stuff well.

Chapter 3- Bad training calls for good moral support

Then came the day where we had a super terrible defense mission, where we had to dig trenches up to our height and stay there for afew days.

We dug through day and night for 3 stormy raining days without any sleep and proper meals...We felt devastated. We were speechless. "This is crazy...I can believe that even my underwear is soaked in muddy clay."

Leon: "ya man! I hate this crap! It's unreal! I can't feel my legs anymore...it's been soaking wet for 3 days in my boots already. If the rain continues...our trench will be destroyed again and we're never gonna finish digging. I'm falling aslp even right now."

Me: " Haix...I just wanna head back to bunk...nvm...maybe after we finish this whole 9 months of shit...we'll really get posted back to basic military school as instructors!"

Leon: " yeah man! I think we're the kind that suits that role totally...haix...lets just keep digging la..until we see the light at the end of the tunnel"

Chapter 4- My weakness, his strength

We finally pulled through all the tough training that were presented to us....(so far).

There were however still many problems that lay ahead especially for me. Being someone who hasn't been fit before in his whole life..I find it hard to pass my obstacle course or achieve gold standards for my pt.

Leon: " Hey! you can do it la! Really! I know that you're the kind of person that will somehow push yourself and rise to the occassion when u have to!"

Me: " Haix...I've been trying really hard...u also know...but I'm just improving too slowly...there's not enough time"

Leon: " Come on! I believe in you"

Very little people would actually believe in me so strongly, or even be bothered with believing in me in the 1st place. Even I find it hard to believe in myself. Little did I expect that I would passed all my obstacle after retrying countless of times, and I manage to earn the fitness gold badge to put on my uniform.

Chapter 5- Buddies die together

As we step into the fourth month of training, we grew so sick of this whole big chunk of military stuff that were forced fed to us every hour of the day.

Things got worse when we heard that the both of us were given the toughest post for one of the most challenging mission.

"All of you will fight one major mission a day for 4 consecutive days without any sleep. The last mission, which happens to be on the last day...will be the most difficult and tiring one, having burned out all your energy on the last 3 missions.
Leon and Jacob, the both of you will lead the last mission"

My sir gladly announced this news to us, with the intention to kick us out of the course if we made mistakes in that mission.

Jacob: "I guess it's fate...It's the both of us again! Haha! This time we're bound to die man!"

Leon: "I saw that coming man! I'm prepared...haix! They are really out to chop us this time!"

Jacob: "Actually...to be honest...I'm kinda glad I got selected this hardest mission. Because I'm doing it with you. Who else will make the best team? Only the both of us and no one else."

Leon: "I feel the same also man! Ev en if we have to die or fail the course...lets do it together man!"

Little did we know that out of the 4 missions...ours was the only one that led our whole platoon to victory...We were not the best leaders, but there was nothing that could destroy the magical power that came with our team work and bond.

Chapter 6- Jungle survival

Leon: "This is unreal man! This is totally crazy! I can even see anything 3meters ahead! URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!SOMEBODY!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT'S THIS!"

Jacob: "I'm hungry man....I don't even have the energy to walk or scream anymore...why are we doing this...have you ever wondered? why..."

Leon: "I dunno man..I have never felt so desperate before...I'll gladly pay any amount if it can find me a way out of this jungle."

Jacob: "I eat any thing...even if it's inside a pile of mud...seriously...this is the craziest moment of my life...I dun even know if I'll make it."

Leon: "Me too...but I think can lah! We've been through so much...we'll earn the badge and wear it proudly on our chest! Den when we become instructors we can share with the recruits about our experiences!"

Jacob: "Oh ya! We're going to go back to basic military school together! I believe we will la...somehow...."

At that point in time, I really didn't know if we'll have the chance to go back to basic military school, but...somehow...the both of us passed the course and received the badge.

Chapter 7- The Posting!!

The day we've waited for has finally arrived! Our sir sat us down and said this to us before he announced our posting. "Many of you will be posted to combat unit...not many of you will return to basic military school as instructors."

Our hearts sank totally....

"Let me read the posting to you: Andy.....you will go to a combat unit...blah blah blah....blah blah blah....Leon and Jacob, both of you are going to basic military school as instructors!"

"YES!!!!WE'VE MADE IT!!! OUR DREAM CAME TRUE TOTALLY! WE'RE GONNA LEAD AND TOUCH THE LIFE OF THE RECRUITS!!! OH MAN!!!!I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!!!"

Final Chapter- For one to leave, one must stay...

We held our heads high with the brightest smile on our face as we entered the basic military school. We left this place the last time as botaks. But little did we expect that we'll come back on this very day as officers. Our day has come. The impossible has been made possible to unite the both of us all the way....until this very place which was the common dream we had.

All was well and good...until one fine day were both my buddy and I, together with several others, were brought into a room. The officer that brought us in explained to us:

"The reason why you guys are selected to come here is because we need one of you to give up your role as an instructor, in order to take on a staff role. While the rest of you will leave this room at the end of the interview, the chosen one will stay behind as our staff in this office."

An hour passed since the start of the interview...All of us awaited with cold sweat. I was told by my interviewer that I had what it takes to be a staff officer and that I would most likely be choosen. I was really scared. I don't want a staff role. I want to be with my recruits.

"The results are out! Out of all of you, We've selected Leon as our new staff officer!"

Both Leon and I were speechless. We are not gonna become instructors together. We're gonna walk our own paths. We'll not have the chance to work closely anymore. His dreams to be an instructor has been shattered.

Being curious with the results, I looked up the interviewer and asked why was my buddy chosen. The interviewer told me that I was actually their initial choice, but because of some other reason they decide to choose my buddy instead.

Either way...It's either I stay or he stay...and this time, he stayed on my behalf so that I'm free to go and persue my deams as an instructor.

Our common path ends here. Every beginning has an end. I still find it hard to accept that we're going on our own ways. The many things that you wish to share and teach the recruits, I know them all. I promise that I'll do it on your behalf to my recruits.

I'll remember you forever, the one who went through the shittest part of my life with me.

sometimes

2007-07-02T21:38:00.000+08:00

Weird Post-

You may be always searching for the latest movies, but sometimes, you might just be longing for a gd company.

You may be fiddling around with your handphone, but sometimes, you might just be having hopes that someone special might sms you.

You may be the best dressed, but sometimes, you might just be wishing that someone out there sees your inner beauty.

You may be watching endless videos, reading endless comics, and playing endless games, but sometimes, you might just be longing for some real excitement in your life.

You may be playing beautiful music in a quiet place alone, but sometimes, you might just be wishing for a very special audience to appreciate your music in a very deep way.

..............

2007-07-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

21st Birthday Punk-

This post was supposed to be up last week, but as usual I was rushing my way back to camp....when will this kinda sick sunday night must book in lifestyle end...=(

Anyways, We had great fun at the party. I even managed to catch up with some super old friends who happen to be punk's friend as well! heh here are some pictures at punk's party. Enjoy!=D

2007-06-30T23:49:00.000+08:00

2007-06-14T09:52:00.000+08:00

COMMISSIONING PARADE!!!-

My looooooong loooooooong loooooooong awaited moment is finally here! Here are some pics of my BIG day!

The parade commander is a commando!

This is my band of brothers standing proud heh=D

The religious leaders actually went up to pray for all of us. Not trying to be rude...but they really look kinda funny haha! Fashion disaster! There are even rumours that ghosts are scared of commissioned officers because of the religious leaders praying for us. Haha..sounds funny too...

Throughout the whole parade, I was just wondering who would come for my big day. Of course without fail, my super cute dad and mum came!

A bunch of crazy idiots caught me by surprise as well. Hehe...

It was a beyond-words-move-to-tears-dumbstruck-proud moment to have my very own parents putting the officer rank on my shoulders.

It is the pride and joy of an infantry officer to be commissioned with the prestigious jungle confidence badge which involves alot of blood, sweat, hunger and tears.

The moment is finally here! This is my family!

The cousins who have been with me since childhood doing all sorts of funny things!

My ever understanding and supportive buddies!

Haha...our faces looked like as if we had to pay money for this shot.

My best buddies that went through thick and thin with me during the course. Even though they didn't manage to commission with me due to some reason, they'll always be remembered as model officers in my heart.

Which other moment could be more defining than this, to have your father that always frowns at your poor results and physical fitness in school to awknowledge your achievements.

I'll never forget my suck **** buddy who slept in the same mud trench and crawled in the terrible jungle with me. To be able to commission together on this day was the same dream we shared 9months ago. What's more, both of us are posted to a place where we can tekan recruits together heh heh! As usual, we'll always take afew shorts of ourselves with weird expressions on our faces.

The section that suffered and endured together for this very day!

There was pride in our hearts as we recited the officer's creed.

There were tears of joy as we placed all our 9 months of pain and suffering into the peakcap and threw it high up in the air!

My Childhood Dream-

Here comes the secret story which I dun usually tell people about. It's the story of a childhood dream. It took place a long time ago, probably 10years back. It was my 1st time visit to this place, where all the officer will train and graduate from. I'll never forget my 1st impression of the place. It was so grand looking. Everything about is so nice and beautiful. I wonder why am I coming to such a place.

My mum told me that we were going to attend a very important parade, my brother's commissioning parade. "My brother is going to become an officer. What's that? Sounds like it's gonna be some big thing." I thought to myself.

Later on, I saw my brother in his smartest uniform marching in the parade square with the others who were also going to become officers. Awesome was the word. Even at the young age of about 11 (i think) I was so inspired and I felt so proud for all of the men in white, standing smartly in the parade square. I went home that day realising that I had a new dream: To be able to wear that uniform, stand on that parade square and join them as officers.

The problem is, I had to keep that dream to myself. If people heard about it, it'll become a total joke. I was one of the shortest in class, one of the few who were chosen to be in the famous losing weight club, can't play sports, can't study, a little on the anti social side. How to become officer? I'm not even on par with my friends in school, less those men who stood with my brother at the parade square.

Soon the dream faded away. I knew my weakness more than anybody and I didn't dream of becoming anyone anymore. I'll just be realistic and hide behind the crowd.

Like all wise men says, God'll find a way in your life. Even when you've forgotten the prayers or wishes you made to Him years ago, He'll still remember. Somehow along the way, He gave me a chance to nurture my public speaking and leadership through His church. Just a year before I came into army, there was this source of unknown energy and determination to be really disciplined in losing weight and building up on my fitness. That never happened to me in my life before. By the time I entered the army, I was atleast able to lead alittle, run alittle, but I still lacked something.

I still don't believe that I can enter the officer school and I still do not see that I could become one. There was also no purpose in becoming one other than self achievement.

One fine day during my days as a recruit, I saw my platoon mate crying. I went to talk to him and realised that he was sad because he was lonely. He was the most unfit guy, the fattest, he felt the ugliest. It was true that not many people in my platoon treated him like a real friend and a man. Many were out to laugh at him, some hang around him so that they could play his psp or borrow his large collection of comics. He actually also kena guard duty on his very own birthday. It was important to him as his parents and cousins, who were the only ones close to him in this world is celebrating his birthday with him. If he can't even celebrate with them, he might as well die.

Suddenly there was a rage in my heart. I disliked how my platoon mates treated him. I want to have the power to change them. There was also sorrow in my heart. I know how he felt because i used to feel lousy just like him. There was also a rising responsibility in my heart. I want to have the power to take care of people like him in the army. I want to have the power to help people him.

That day, I promised him i'll take his guard duty, and I told God, I must become a commissioned officer.

Being sent to the officer course caught me by surprise. Enduring through the crazy training caught me by surprise too. There were many things that I was not good at. Many things demanded more than all that's in me. I broke down many times. I cried even. Life's never been so harsh, reality has never smacked me so hard. But God has never been more real in my life than He actually did during the 9months. Without Him I can't imagine what would have happened to me.
Thanks to Him, 9th June will be the day I'll always remember. It's the day I commission.

"Thank you Lord, for allowing the chance to live my impossible childhood dream, for giving me the power to help others, and the chance to honour my parents and make them feel proud of their second son.

I don't know what's installed for me ahead. But I will lead Your people. Please lead me too." In Jesus's Name, Amen.

Time 2

2007-05-31T02:13:00.000+08:00

Time-

If I'm not wrong...there was a previous post that had the same name. Suddenly the word time gives me another feeling...another insight...another passing emotion.

Time's like a big moderator. You could be watching the beautiful fireworks or jumping around a sky full of soap bubbles, time will show you what's short lived and what must fade away.

You can be really close to a particular friend or even feel that she's the coolest personality on earth, time will tell you what's not meant to be yours will not be yours to keep.

Time will reveal the truth...and sometimes that truth hurts...but time will teach...time will heal...time...

2007-05-19T01:28:00.000+08:00

The Man In The Arena-

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."

THEODORE ROOSEVELT(Paris Sorbonne,1910)

I've always fought hard n endured all hardships for the thing that I want, for the thing that is most important to me. It would however always result to nothing. It would always fail me in the most unexplainable and miserable ways. Maybe I can only earn myself the title as "the man in the arena", who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly...

Don't worry...I'll choose to do the hardest thing...so that you can be who you wanna be...

Back in singapore

2007-05-01T12:31:00.000+08:00

The Days of Our (Hell) Lives-

Just came back from the slimming program not too long ago. And I must say I succeeded! dang! 9+kg lost. Many ppl might not have realise my change in size, but that's due to matainence and secrets that allows me to lose mostly only fats n water heh! But after ydae's geylang eat all you can trip...I think I'm gone already la..will become fat soon again heh.

For those who are dear to me but yet have no chance to hear about my "jungle slimming trip", just let me summarise it for you below:

Day1 to Day3- Breakfast eat eat eat eat very full gonna vomit, carry heavy load walk walk walk, see map, walk upslope, see compass, walk downslope, hungry - no lunch, see map walk see compass walk confused, lost. Bash into vegetation upslope downslope upslope downslope upslope downslope. Still lost. Rain + thunder + wind continue walking...upslope downslope upslope downslope, cold+freezing+hungry - no dinner. zzz. Wake up, wear back wet freezing underwear + socks + clothes + boots.

Day3 to Day6- Bash into vegetation, step on mouldy rock slip n fall, got up step on plank broke n fall, got up step on rocky ground lost balance n fall, got up step on mud slide n fall into river, got up met with whole row of mouldy rocks + rotten planks + rocky ground + mudslide fall fall fall fall fall fall. Hungry - no breakfast

Got up step into pot hole stuck, broke free got caught in thorn vegetation stuck, broke free got caught by vines stuck, broke free met with whole row of pot holes + thorn vegetation + vine clusters stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck.

Broke free met with a fallen tree trunk stuck, climb over met with a mini cliff stuck, climb over met with huge boulder stuck, climb over met with a whole row of mini cliff + fallen tree trunks + huge boulders climb climb climb climb climb. Hungry -no lunch

Climb over saw a steep downslope, slide down saw a steep cliff, slide down saw a steep river bank, slide down saw a steep downslope leadin to steep cliff leadin to steep river bank slide slide slide slide slide slide.

Hungry - 1 meal for dinner. Set up harbouring area rain. Gather firewood rain. Tried to start fire rain. Eat cold dinner rain. Sleep in mud with drenched underwear n clothes still rain.

Day6 to day9- In daylight hours: chop wood, find vines, tie wood, build structure, no food, rain, flood.

When nightfalls: Place hand infront of yourself can't see crap, find wood start fire tried to cook dinner rain. Tried to sleep rain flood. Stood up wait for rain to stop still rain flood. Cried to yourself still rain flood. Thought about your loved ones still rain flood. Realise you're all alone still rain flood. Realise that God's there still rain flood.

No opportunity to sleep due to rain. Carry on what was described in daylight.

Day 9 itself- Carry all our load. CHIONG AR!! uphill downhill uphill downhill uphill downhill uphill downhill fall fall fall stuck stuck stuck slide slide slide run run run 1st GROUP TO REACH CAMP! WON ALL THE MAJORS N LIUTANIENT N SERGEANTS OR WADEVER!

From that moment onwards: EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT!!!

Dat kinda sums up what I did for crazy april. Lets welcome MAY!=D Surely God was there...even when it seemed like He has forsaken me. The toughest training of my life taught me to appreciate even the smallest things in life.

DUN GET IT

2007-04-11T09:54:00.000+08:00

Jungle Slimming Center-

I've gained like 12kg ever since last year. I would really like to think that the 12kg's all muscles, but I know alot of it is fat mass too. I see myself getting fatter each day and that's not the way to go!

SO...I've decided...I'll enroll for the Jungle Slimming Program!~ Lose 9kg in 16days! How's that! I'll see at the end of the slimming if it really works. Anyone wants to join??? But there's no assurance that snakes, scorpions, spider and leeches won't be creeping on you while you sleep in total darkness alone.

The program will start tonight just before midnight. I'll MISS CHAR KUEY TEOW CARROT CAKE HOKKIEN MEE BURGER FRIES OREO CHICKEN RICE TIM SUM FRIED CHICKEN BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.............can i dun go??? Wahaha

A Door That's Locked On Both Sides-

Dun get it. I dun get it.

You've been trying hard. Trying very very very hard to solve the problem. But the problem just won't go. You don't even understand what's the problem. The problem has more implications than you ever imagined it to be. The soultions that you try to find for the problems are just not the way to go. It seems like the only way to solve it is to avoid it but still it does not solve anything. Don't you think it's quite a difficult problem here? I think so too...but there's nothing I can do too...cuz you and I are the same.

burning inside

2007-03-31T20:50:00.000+08:00

World Of Black and White-

For a moment in my life...for the past 22 years...my life has experienced a drastic reaction. Suddenly the missing piece of puzzle is found. The questions are met with answers. Misery flooded with joy. My world of black and white is filled with vibrant colours. I can see. I see everything clearly, through my eyes.

But suddenly, it's all gone. I'm back to black and white. I cried. That's about all I could do. I realised it's not about who I am or what I do. Some things are just fated. I'm speechless. The open wound is as big as my body. I'm the fool standing in the rain, in the middle of no man's land. I can't move. I can't think. I looked across the open land, it's all black and white. No house, no path, no light, no vegetation.

confused

2007-03-04T18:00:00.000+08:00

Big confusion-

It just seems like it's happening to me again. That "no traces of me" thing. you won't know what I'm talking about. Only my heart knows. My heart knew it from a very very long time ago. Am I predestined to be like this? If yes why? I wish that the ans is no.

Why does God choose to be so good to me? I really dunno cuz it seems like "one ****** *'* **** and one ****** *'* ***". How *********...

so much challenges to face ahead. The fear of another major appointment in my training, the long march that's waiting for me, the rivers that are waiting for me to cross and the jungles that are waiting for me to survive.

The fear that everything with *** that might go wrong can go wrong. sometimes, I just need someone to understand "it". But what is "it". i think no one understands.

I can only look towards heaven and pray. I know it always is the way.

I guess only the Divine One will understand the whole chunk of nonsense that I'm talking about. I'll try to make more sense in future ok?:)

blessing

2007-01-09T14:47:00.000+08:00

A Very Special Blessing-

I'm sorry if this post has weird or unreader-friendly fonts but the com i'm using now doesn't allow me to change it.

This week has been totally horrible for me...for the past 48hours here since i last booked out...i've been thinking of ending this course...right here n right now...suddenly everything is not worth it. suddenly i felt that i would definitely have rejected the posting if i was posted here again.

No time for music at all these days. No time for friends. No time to sort out my mind. No time for my soul to be fed.

Being officer really doesn't seem like my kinda thing...today's tactics exam totally killed me. I was that close to handing up a black piece of paper. What's more...i'm gonna dig mud in the rain again for the next 2 or 3 days...everything seems so dark n lifeless. I'm sleepy, tired, I dunno my stuff well and I can't lead battles.

But thank God for the few very special blessings. Things with you (choon mei) has been cleared. My saint has reminded me so much about the bond we'll always share no matter where we are. Thank God that somehow He managed to delay my outfield exercise with the rain...which allows me to be listening to my fav music...catching up with some of the peep's happenings on blogs...and typing this blog.

I may not complete this course afterall, may remain single all my life, may not get to do what i want for a living, may lose friends, may die later, but.....life's still beautiful=)

foigive

2007-01-02T16:01:00.001+08:00

Cast Away-

After a day n night of thinking and sorting out, I've decided to forgive A B n C le. Hmm...dunno what lies ahead...just wish that we can all be the good friends that we were again...that will not just depend on me...but on you mr/miss/mrs A B C

gone mad

2007-01-01T12:59:00.000+08:00

Emotional Baggage Let Loose-

Seriously...I'm super freakin' pissed n angry with A, B and also particularly C.

Not only do you, A, remind me of someone from the past...you did the same thing as that person. I seriously hate this. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? Why does everyone have to cheat me? Why does everyone like to put a mask infront of me? Didn't all those "things" help at all? What else do you need before you can take off that freakin' mask?

you idiot. i'm pissed with you.

Secondly I'm angry with you also my dear B. Thanks for a whole load of words without actions. Thanks for conveniently placing me aside when I'm not needed n attend to those whatever things.

i guess i was just a fool.

Lastly, C, I used to be touched by your prescence, your sincerity, your warmth, your love, your friendship, your support. But after that day, everything that you did before for me suddenly became redundant n everything in the past has become nothing more than lies. Now no matter how I choose to look at you, I can't help but think that you're a slut.

it's a strong word and i tried not to use it, but seriously, i hate you.

This has got to be the worse new year...and the worse long weekend I've ever had. I rather go back to my army camp n eat mud.

put the world behind

2006-12-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

Once again I must leave the world behind me n just walk down alone...But I won't die just like this...Someone will sustain n provide along the way...everything's gonna be alright...

:D

2006-12-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

Time-
What comes to your mind when you see the word "time"?

It reminds me of how fast time flies, and the sweet times where many beautiful things were forged. Friendships were established and relationships were deepened.

But time is also cruel. Many beautiful things are often lost and diluted through time. All along you're deeply treasured by me. You have always been one of the best friends I've ever had. Never would I expect this day to come: the day where I discover that perhaps I was wrong all the while; the day where I discovered that we have already drifted apart.

I will always remember this day. The day that taught me that nothing in this world is permanent, not even the greatest friendship that was ever forged. The weather is fine today, but somehow, it's raining heavily deep in my heart.

quote of the day

2006-12-03T19:19:00.000+08:00

"There will come a time where you must decide between doing what is right and what is easy."

I know I should always do what is right...but............

My determination to be an officer

2006-11-19T18:48:00.000+08:00

My Feelings-

Back in botak island where we train the basics, there are people from all walks of life. There are the cool and the uncool, the smart and the dumb, the fit and the unfit, the achiever and the follower. Somehow I manage to do quite well, and I was an elite among the slump.

Now in the place where everyone is good and everyone is an officer to be, I find myself becoming a slump among the elites.

It's really hard to go on sometimes, physically and mentally. Becoming an officer seems so far away for me. I always ask myself, am I good enough? Can I make it?

But today I remembered my botak island friends.
I remembered those who are weak, but were ignored by the stronger people.
I remembered those who needed help, but were always ignored by the ones who are able to help.
I remembered those who are unpopular, and were always mocked by the majority.

That's the reason why I want to be an officer. To have the power to change the destiny of the people whom the world choose to belittle. I must not give up!